No babies are coming :(

Yesterday in sacrament everyone kept making references to miracles. I felt like a miracle was coming too. I don't recall in all the years of my mother fostering and all the time that Lonnie & I have done it any child EVER coming back into our home once they left. We would sometimes find out later that they went back into care, but rarely do foster children return to previous foster homes. It's part of the sadness of foster care. Kirsten & Aaron were in at least 5 -7 different homes before Kirsten turned 5 & Aaron turned 4. What a mess.

Anyway, as I wrote before, D & D's mother wanted the kids put back into foster care with us. We all know that I asked everyone to pray for Heavenly Father's will about the boys. But as the week progressed and we got closer to today (the day the boys were supposed to come), I felt like I could get excited about them coming. Unfortunately, I told Josh they were coming. He has been so excited. I cannot even explain the depth of it. He has been doing a virtual countdown to them coming.

So, yeah, we got the call this morning, the day the boys are to arrive. Their mother changed her mind again. The boys are not coming. To say I am sad would be the understatement of the year. The guilt I am experiencing because I prematurely told Josh can not be understated either. I absolutely hate myself right now. I will never tell him again that tiny people are coming till the case worker pulls up in the driveway. I feel like the worst mother in the entire world not to mention a sad one. :(