Maybe I get to claim it...

Sometimes the depression that looms over us belongs to us and sometimes its a prompting of a loved one in need. Unfortunately, I get to claim some of yesterday's depression. We got another letter in the mail about a job that my dear husband did NOT get. That's how one is told now. When you call to inquire about the status of the position, the HR dept won't take your call because they know they've sent you a nice letter. We really felt good about this job. The hours weren't perfect but the pay and benefits were. And to add fuel to my husband's fire, he finds out today if he is losing another job: his basketball job. Yes, I said that right. He's worked at the school for seven years. The head varsity coach wants to give Lonnie's job to the coach's best friend and demote Lonnie to an assistant. "Oh, what a wonderful feeling, oh what a wonderful day..."

Does anyone know the children's story called The Giving Tree? A little boy loves this big tree in his yard. Over time the boy cuts and cuts at this tree till there is nothing left of it. That's my husband, ladies and gentleman. He is getting hammered and hammered on this year. First he loses his job, loses his unemployment (many, many posts ago we thought he would get it, but his old boss appealed it), and now may be losing his basketball coaching job. He LOVES that job. My heart is aching for my dear husband. That's how you know when you really love someone, when your aches for them. Amazingly or at least outwardly, he is handling it all with the most unbelievable of attitudes. Initially all the hurdles were painful. Falling down always hurts, but getting up shows character. My husband has character.

Sometimes I wonder why things happen the way they do. Often I feel that Heavenly Father is trying to tell us or teach us something we are unwilling or unable to learn on our own. Through all of this frustration Lonnie's become the pillar of strength for our family. He is smart enough to know that when the hammer comes down often that someone is trying to get his attention, and he knows who that "someone" is. As he continuously pondered what he should be doing, I suggested that this may be the time for him to receive his Patriarchal Blessing. I've suggested this before but he had no interest. This time he said, "You know what, if you think that's what I should do then I'm going to do it." Ok, I about fell off my chair. I've "thought" he should have done it a bunch of times and he just brushed it off.

After all of this painful humbling, I think my dear Lonnie realizes he needs to hear from his Heavenly Father. Tonight's the night of his blessing, and I'm praying that Lonnie hears something that gives him hope and direction. I want him to feel like the Lord really knows and watches over him by what is in the blessing. That's how I personally felt. Things were shared with me that no one but the Lord ever knew. If all this junk that is happening in our life now helps Lonnie to feel closer to Heavenly Father then it was all worth it. At the very end of The Giving Tree the old tree is happy. I'm counting on that for my "tree" as well.

Which one of you is it?

The past two days I have been overwhelmed by this overwhelming sense of sadness. Makes me a bit nervous, I must admit. I go through the list of potential reasons, for I have to know why. Many, many years ago I lived in a state of depression thanks to a wretched ex-husband and the ugly nightmare that is attached to him. I lived in that depressed state for so long that once I escaped it, I vowed to never return except for maybe a casual sad day or two. History has shown me that sometimes when I feel this way it is because someone close to me is suffering with their own sadness. The depression I feel now is not necessarily mine, so who does this belong to? Any takers?

Maybe it's my lil sister, Amy. I went to see her yesterday & the girl is soooooooo pregnant. We had the very best day. I don't think she realizes how much fun I have when I am with her. I always go home in such a good mood. Anyway, she is so ready to have this baby & the doctor told her it will be a while yet. She was so bummed when she heard this. Once you hit 39 weeks you want to hear, "Oh, the baby will be here by tomorrow." Instead, the baby moves and kicks relentlessly as soon as my sister sits down. She must be uncomfortable in there or something because she is putting my sister in all sorts of pain. At 39 weeks, Amy is tired and wants to sit and take a rest sometimes. As soon as she does it, you can see the pain on her face. I wish they would just induce her already. It doesn't seem right she should have to suffer like this. I feel badly for her.


Maybe it's my friend Lee. Lee and her granddaughter Mikki


Her family is plagued with sickness right now. Cancer is running through them, over them, and probably coming up behind them. God bless that family. As the "matriarch" of the family, Lee is a pillar of strength. She always has a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye. She should be Santa's wife. She completely fits the part with her sweetheart of a personality. Just a delightful woman who carries so much on her heart, but not on her sleeve. To see her, one would think she didn't have a problem in the world when that couldn't be further from the truth.


Maybe it's my dear old friend Linda. She is only 39 years old and is waiting for two people in her home to die. Sounds morbid, huh? She takes care of her 90 something grandmother who is deaf and now has become blind and has only 20% heart function. Memaw, as we all know her by, is a precious old woman. Caring for an elderly person is a lot of work though. She lives with Linda so Linda rarely gets a break. Then to add to the stress of this, Linda just recently heard her husband is dying of kidney failure. This literally came out of nowhere. It all but knocked her right off her feet. There is nothing that can be done for him because he is too far along. Dialysis will only slow the inevitable because he cannot get a transplant. So she waits along with her two children for the day when someone doesn't wake up. My heart aches so much for her. She must have the strength of a thousand men with all that she is carrying.

So any problem I have is so little compared to hers. As I wrote about Linda, I realized how lucky those of us are who have healthy, hard-working husbands. So who am I sad for today? Is it Amy, Lee, Linda, or someone else? Lord, let me know who it might be that needs my help today.

Your blogs

It's been so long since I've blogged. I feel like I've abandoned my "journal". I did finally take a few minutes to read all of your blogs. It was so fun catching up with everyone's comings and goings. I have another week of school and then a short break. Hopefully, I'll get to catch up with my own blog then. I realized that part of my love of blogging was the writing. I LOVE to write and it fills that void. Now that I'm in school and feel like I'm writing all the time, my writing cup is full, if you know what I mean. I also can't post any recent pics since I left my camera at my sister's. I gotta get that thing back! Ugh. Honestly, I completely miss blogging. I miss telling the little tales of my family. Can't wait to start telling soon!