the tears of a family

It's been a rough month already here in our little family. Maybe not rough to some, but it's all in the eye of the beholder I guess.

Miss Kirsten had a sibling visit this month. These visits happen every other week. Her & Aaron get together w/ their two natural siblings for a visit. They usually go well, but this week it was just too much for the little soul. She was quite grouchy by the time we got home, and tears about nothing soon followed. You know the kind. Your child is complaining about one thing, but their real problem is something else. We had that kind. Finally, she admitted she really missed her family, even her parents. The tears came hard. The tears stayed long. I felt SO BAD for her. Leah asked me later if it bothered me that Kirsten missed her mom. Oh my word, NO!! Those children have years of memories with their families. Not every moment was a bad one. At this point in time, I cannot replace one year with us for 4-5 years of her natural parents. It all takes time. She hasn't cried like that since she came. It was so healthy for her to let it all out. I just sat & held her as she cried. It was all I could do not to cry as well, but I really felt like she needed me to be strong.

Next comes Mr. Josh. This was a bad week for him too. We found out he definitely has a stress fracture and/or ligament problem with his foot. We had xrays taken & the foot doctor gave him a funny little boot to wear. I call him Iron Man now. It really reminds me of that movie. Josh also had to have 3 freckles/moles removed from his face, neck, & arm that were bad. They are sending them to the lab, & we'll have the results next week. Josh was so nervous about it that he had nightmares & woke up the next morning in tears. Some children worry so much about shots, & the word "removing" always sounds painful. Anyway, he did fine. I'll feel better after we get the results back though.

Mrs. Leah has been crying for home for weeks now. I THINK the official verdict is in that her & Brent are moving home in the spring. I THINK they are going to McDaniel, and Leah already has a job lined up when she gets home. Regardless of all the details, the poor thing is terribly homesick. I never thought those words would come from my child's mouth. I'm still going through shock on this one.

Mrs. Lori also suffered her own little tears this week. I was thinking that I was pregnant, and ok, hoping I was. Reasons this is so dumb:

1. I'm too old
2. Our money is way too tight
3. My OCD husband would go over the edge.
   
4. My plate is too full already.

Dumb or not, a person's heart is the way it is. I've always believed that we came to this Earth with dreams from Heavenly Father already placed in our hearts. We can't always choose what we long for. Sometimes no matter how hard you try to push it away or fill it with other things or other people, some dreams always creep back in. I've prayed for that desire to leave, but the yearning for another baby that I know I can KEEP never goes away. So when I thought that I could be pregnant I was filled with elation. Now I'm just filled with grief because I know I'm not. The death of a dream is just always painful. Say whatever you want, their my tears & I'm allowed to cry them. :(

I'm going to vote!

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I've never voted. I've never felt that my vote would matter. I was never passionate about who would govern the little world I lived in. But this election, yes this election, it's all different. If a person can feel "impressed or inspired" to vote a certain way, than I have been. I am overcome with anxiety over it. I can't believe it myself. I have been on the verge of tears for days now. I know it sounds ridiculous, but SOMETHING is making me so emotional. For no reason at all, I just feel like crying. I could barely go to sleep last night I was worrying about this election so much. Call me dramatic, call me whatever.....I don't care. A terrible feeling comes over me when I think about Obama. A dear friend asked me if I thought it came from all the false info flying around. Sadly, I don't think it's all false, and sadder yet, is that I don't think it comes from any info at all. You know how you just "get a feeling" about someone. Typically these are people you actually meet, but not necessarily. Well, that's the feeling that I get. I just cannot shake it.

I"m a firm believer in "our circle". What is "our circle"? Our circle are the people you surround yourself with. They are the friends, some of which, you wish your teenager didn't have. They are the people you take advice from. They are the people you work with or go to church with. The are people you spend time with. Obama's circle does not give me any warm fuzzies. He is far too worldly for me which is why many Americans are voting for him. The church talks about this all the time, being "in the world", but not "of the world". Many people have their blinders on about this. I pray, at the last minute, their blinders fall off. I pray that they do PRAY about their vote. I pray they feel inspired on who to vote for. I am just praying and I'm going to continue to do so till this thing is over.

my husband

As I'm cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, Kirsten is making all these little trips in and out of the room. She is taking nail files, markers, and candies into the living room. I realize she is giving Lonnie a beauty treatment. She feels like a million dollars because she has his complete attention. She loves every minute of it (and so does he). The delight in her face brings tears into my eyes. I am just so emotional lately.

This brings back such sweet remembrances of Lonnie & Angelia. She used to do the same thing. He would sit there patiently as she entertained them both with markers and lipsticks. I even had a pic of it at one time. Boy, would I LOVE to get my hands on that one now. No, my husband is not a cross dresser. :) He really does love his daughters, but just has the hardest time showing it. He knows girls love to play in all that "stuff" (& he loves the attention - the big sap!) Anyway, the whole thing was just way cute!

I managed to grab this picture. Lonnie said, "You're not blogging this are you?" What me????? I can't imagine.