the tears of a family

It's been a rough month already here in our little family. Maybe not rough to some, but it's all in the eye of the beholder I guess.

Miss Kirsten had a sibling visit this month. These visits happen every other week. Her & Aaron get together w/ their two natural siblings for a visit. They usually go well, but this week it was just too much for the little soul. She was quite grouchy by the time we got home, and tears about nothing soon followed. You know the kind. Your child is complaining about one thing, but their real problem is something else. We had that kind. Finally, she admitted she really missed her family, even her parents. The tears came hard. The tears stayed long. I felt SO BAD for her. Leah asked me later if it bothered me that Kirsten missed her mom. Oh my word, NO!! Those children have years of memories with their families. Not every moment was a bad one. At this point in time, I cannot replace one year with us for 4-5 years of her natural parents. It all takes time. She hasn't cried like that since she came. It was so healthy for her to let it all out. I just sat & held her as she cried. It was all I could do not to cry as well, but I really felt like she needed me to be strong.

Next comes Mr. Josh. This was a bad week for him too. We found out he definitely has a stress fracture and/or ligament problem with his foot. We had xrays taken & the foot doctor gave him a funny little boot to wear. I call him Iron Man now. It really reminds me of that movie. Josh also had to have 3 freckles/moles removed from his face, neck, & arm that were bad. They are sending them to the lab, & we'll have the results next week. Josh was so nervous about it that he had nightmares & woke up the next morning in tears. Some children worry so much about shots, & the word "removing" always sounds painful. Anyway, he did fine. I'll feel better after we get the results back though.

Mrs. Leah has been crying for home for weeks now. I THINK the official verdict is in that her & Brent are moving home in the spring. I THINK they are going to McDaniel, and Leah already has a job lined up when she gets home. Regardless of all the details, the poor thing is terribly homesick. I never thought those words would come from my child's mouth. I'm still going through shock on this one.

Mrs. Lori also suffered her own little tears this week. I was thinking that I was pregnant, and ok, hoping I was. Reasons this is so dumb:

1. I'm too old
2. Our money is way too tight
3. My OCD husband would go over the edge.
   
4. My plate is too full already.

Dumb or not, a person's heart is the way it is. I've always believed that we came to this Earth with dreams from Heavenly Father already placed in our hearts. We can't always choose what we long for. Sometimes no matter how hard you try to push it away or fill it with other things or other people, some dreams always creep back in. I've prayed for that desire to leave, but the yearning for another baby that I know I can KEEP never goes away. So when I thought that I could be pregnant I was filled with elation. Now I'm just filled with grief because I know I'm not. The death of a dream is just always painful. Say whatever you want, their my tears & I'm allowed to cry them. :(